Initiation

 In many ways, I feel as though I have been initiated the last few weeks. 

Like picking berries in the thick of brambles, you’re bound to get a few scratches, as well as a basket of sweet abundance. 

photo by Sage Harple

Despite so many folks around me insisting I follow the status quo, I decided to heal my recent Lyme diagnosis without the use of antibiotics. I have been cultivating a relationship with my intuition (this is a practice, and not something most people are born with) for years, and amongst the noise of worried family projecting their fears on me, like my mom telling me I’ll be “in a wheel chair the rest of my life” or that “Lyme isn’t something to fuck with”— my womb, my heart, the flora of my gut screamed, 

“Don’t listen to them.”

I decided the only treatment I would receive would be biomagnetic therapy, other forms of body work, and changing my habits at home. Minimizing wifi & screen time. Using herbal remedies. Changing my diet.  Prioritizing rest. Meditating on my heart space and pineal gland. Visualizing my body healing. 

For a few days after my first magnet treatment, I felt really awesome. Then, next thing I knew, I couldn't blink my left eye, or rub my lips together to put on chapstick. I had developed Bells Palsy, half my face was partially paralyzed (not fully drooping, but still significant). 

taken august 10th

Again, my concerned (and loving) family urged me to take the doxy. But I asked my heart, and it said, “just wait.”

I heard a message from within, it told me that these bacteria are intelligent beyond what we can comprehend. They understand more than we could ever possibly know, and that everything is consciousness. The bacteria knew that I am vain, that I care about how I am perceived, and to attack in this weak spot. They expected me to fold at the threat of  permanent disfigurement of my face. 

I felt this viscerally. I said “Fuck it. I am not scared. I am not folding. If I have to be drooling as a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding, then so be it— It’s not my wedding! I'm not giving up now.”

I stuck to my plan, had a second round of biomagnet therapy, and four days later saw my smile return in its fullness. 

taken august 27

I’m not asking for anyone who doubted me to admit they were wrong, but I stand as a beacon to myself and to anyone else, assuring you to trust your body wisdom to heal, you can. I believe in you 100%.

We could be entering an era of antibiotic resistance sooner than you think, and I have probably had Lyme since I was 5 years old, but definitely for the past 9 years. Lyme spirochetes change shape and burrow in your nervous system, avoiding antibiotics with their slow reproduction rate, and attack when your immune system is lowest. your gut microbiome is a huge part of your immune system, and antibiotics do not discriminate, they wipe everything out, even the good guys. Many people might think I’m crazy for what I did. They may be fully indoctrinated into the idea that there is only a pharmaceutical that can save you from lyme or any condition, really. And if that’s your truth, then by all means, do what you feel is right. 

But I’m built a little different than that. I’m not scared of being loud about my successes anymore, the choices I make and the rewards (or consequences) that they bring. I honor my intuition, my experience and my wisdom because it’s mine to share. I don't care who thinks I’m crazy. I’m living proof crazy can work.

As a woman who plans on birthing freely, in whatever way I choose, there is so much releasing of uncertainty and doubt to be outsourced to a white coat to be had. So much trust to put in myself to pass through that portal. So much noise and commotion to ignore about what is safe and what isn’t. And I was able to do that for myself before the doors of mothering opened for me, this illness was a blessing in disguise. A test of my strength and my Truth. 

Another initiation has been the blessing that is co-parenting my boyfriend's 4 year old daughter with him and her Mama. It’s been so rewarding and life changing, but I have been hearing the call to creating a family for so long, and honestly it’s perfectly on brand for me to have an unorthodox way of making one.

If you’re on a wellness journey outside of the medical system, you’re not alone and you can talk to me about your experiences without fear of judgement or advice or pressure. I am here for your healing however you choose to make it happen.

**please note: none of this is medical advice**