No Call No Show

I no-call-no-showed.

I was having a really good day. I finally got to reschedule two of my most long term clients; they’re husband and wife, and so eagerly created a spa in their home when I was in a work-space-purgatory. After much back-and-forth, scheduling, rescheduling, life and more lifeing, I was so excited to get them back into a flow.

45 minutes into our first session. I click the home button on my phone to check the time and saw the text.

My mouth turned to cotton.

All the muscles in my neck and shoulders get tense.

“I am here. I knocked.”

Shit.

I double booked myself. And what’s more unbelievably embarrassing about this situation is that I've done it to this client twice. Once, earlier this summer, only then she had just left her place rather than on my doorstep when I realized. 

I excused myself to the bathroom so I could reply to my lady in waiting.

“Asshole” doesn’t even begin to explain how I felt.

No-call-no-show is supposed to be the client's thing, not the professional's. 

I frantically sent four texts, offering her a free massage and a discount on her next one. Then offering to go to her house that night, so she could receive a massage in her home and save herself a trip, all free of charge.

I called her after my session and left a voicemail. I felt like a desperate ex who got caught cheating and was begging for a second chance.

But none of my texts got answered, none of my phone calls returned. I think I might have lost a really good client today, and it’s all my fault and there was nothing more that I could do to save it. 

Earlier this morning, I was listening to an audiobook called Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing The Uncommon by Dr. Joe Dispenza. In Chapter 7, Heart Intelligence, the author writes about the parasympathetic/sympathetic nervous system’s, and how the heart operates in each. The heart being a bridge between the lower energy centers, the physical realm, and the higher energy centers, the metaphysical or cosmic realms. 

Now, I was multitasking so my attention wasn’t fully present in the book, but what I recalled during my “I’m such an asshole” panic was: 

With practice and meditation, one can transmute a hyper aware physical state of panic into a heart opening, expansive exercise.

I thought of another passage in a book that I’ve been reading: Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson-

“I feel the awareness of what love really does. I feel the way love functions as a bridge. That in loving, we can’t ever be separate from those we love. Cor ad cor loquitur, which is Latin for ‘ heart speaks to heart directly’” (pg. 179) 

So, while dancing in a repetitive effleurage on the calf of my client, I moved my attention inward- into my heart. Expanding its boundaries far beyond my physical being. I wanted to extend my love, gratitude and sorrow to my client that I stood up. But first, I had to expand my heart, my love, and my gratitude to myself. 

I gave myself grace. 

I forgave myself.

I knew that I had done all that I could do- just short of going back in time to undo it all together.

I absolve myself of self pity and blame, and vow to learn my lesson (uhh, somehow). 

Do I buy another planner? 

Do I get a whiteboard calendar? 

*whispers* Did I mention my bank account was overdrafted four times last month for this very same reason?

(not an advertisement, a meme I made hehe)

Moving money from checking to savings accounts without checking my calendar for autopay bills. My client is not the only one I’ve screwed over this month, I’ve screwed myself too. 

But it’s time to be better. It’s time to be gentle. It’s time to forgive. If my client can’t forgive me, I’ll forgive me.

lemon balm, echinacea and magnolia infusion

I’ll make tea and eat too many dates and read my book with a cat in my lap, because what else can I do?

Maybe this is your invitation to be gentle, be graceful, and forgive. Yourself, and others. Remember that its everyone's first time being a human, and we're just trying to get the hang of it.

Enjoy the songs I’ve been vibing to to ease my poor heart<3

*No AI was used in creating this blog post*